Long time, no see

Yesterday, my cousin visited me. Wait, that's not totally accurate. It's my second cousin. He is the son of my cousin. I saw him last in, I think 1992, while visiting my brother in California. Before that, the last time we saw each other was in 1973 or 1974, while my wife and I were living in Orlando and he was a college student, passing through while playing on a water polo team for his school.

Our respective parents grew up in Chicago, and both of us were uprooted while we were young kids from Chicagoland, and moved to Southern California. My parents were the first of our extended family to move out west in 1954. His folks, with he and his little brother in tow, came about 5 or 6 years later when he was but 5. I'm eight years older than him, yet some 18 years younger than his dad, my first cousin. This is because I was the "Late in life" baby of my parents, born after my dad had returned from WWII, and when my folks had thought they were done having babies. But, alas, in 1946, along came little Mike.

In any case, I had lost track of my second cousin. Then, this past September, I received a call from him out of the blue. It was a wonderful surprise. We spoke on the phone for close to an hour and he brought me up to date on the death of his mother. I had surmised as much as I had suddenly stopped receiving Christmas cards from her a few years earlier, after we had traded this custom for many years. I usually would write her long letters, and include pictures of my children, which she had never seen in person, as she, after a divorce from her husband (and father of my 2nd cousin) moved to the Sacramento area. She would also include a news-filled letter to me telling of the escapades of her children - the three 2nd cousins. The last card I received, simply said, "I've been very sick, will try to write later." That was a few years ago, and none of my immediate family - my two brothers - had heard anything further.

Back to the original story, so before closing our conversation, he says that it is likely he'll be out to Tulsa on business, and he'll call if so. Last week, he called. We arranged to have him come over yesterday when he was finished with his meetings.

We spent 4 hours together, and then he had to go. It simply wasn't enough time. We hugged when he arrived and hugged when he left, neither one of us wanting to let go upon his departure. He now lives in Georgia, I, of course, in Oklahoma. His dad, my cousin, will be 80 this year. I told him that the last time I saw his dad was at my own dad's funeral. That was in 1979.

The topic of much of our conversation yesterday was our memories of the close knit family we grew up with. How we would often be at each others home in those days. He specifically mentioned the Christmas eve's spent at my parent's home. This was a night where the entire clan gathered at my mom & dad's house, starting at around 3:00 pm. There was plenty of food, presents, and, as befitting an Irish family, a lot to drink. We'd dance, sing, and just enjoy each others company. As the night grew older, many of the "Younger" adults would then head over to his parent's house to continue to party.

I, in turn, brought up the number of times, we'd go over to his home to swim. He had a pool in his yard, and the whole family would head there on Saturdays or Sundays. We'd spend hours there, and usually barbecue hamburgers and hot dogs. When I say the family, I mean all the aunts and uncles and cousins and nephews. We were extremely close, choosing to spend our time together.

Things have changed so much from those idyllic days in the late 50's and 60's. We spoke of that too, and wondered aloud why it's no longer like that. Of course, most of the old folks have passed on, and that is likely the main reason. My parents, and his Grandparents, and their siblings, who maintained - AND insisted upon that closeness - mostly died in the late sixties or early seventies. Then came the next generation, his dad and mother, who moved away, and his Uncle who died, and aunt who moved back to Chicago. My two brothers are still in Southern California, but are both in their 70's. One brother has kids in their late 40's and early 50's; the other never had children.

My 2nd cousin and I took jobs that moved us, and our wives and children, away years ago.

So, with the third generation, that beautiful sense of a close-knit family has all but been destroyed, never to be rekindled. Too much distance separates us from our family, and our children barely, if at all, know their cousins and aunts and uncles.

Those beautiful days of stopping over to share a family bond have been lost to progress. How incredibly sad.

Old Fart Mike