Unless you have children, there is no way to ever know the depths of love - or the worry - you have for your offspring. As a first-time parent, I remember distinctly my wife and I checking on our daughter one night when she was only a few weeks old. She was in her basinette, and hadn't made a sound for over two hours. That was unusual for a newborn, so we were worried that something might be the matter. We crept into her room and checked to see if she was breathing. In the process, of course, we ended up waking her.
With each of our kids, as they experienced their first scape, cut, high fever, or other injury or illness, we went through various stages of concern. Same thing held for any of the angst they would experience in the normalcy of growing up. A bad grade. Not being able to play on the starting team. Getting a zit right before the big dance. Comforting them after a particularly bad break-up. Worrying with them as to whether they would get admitted into the college of their choice. And then worrying whether they'd actually make it through college and get that degree.
Then comes the day when their schooling is finished and they set out on their own. They find a job and an apartment. This is when people who do not have children erroneously think that a parent's job is done. That the parent's days of worrying are behind them. I admit I once thought this too. Boy, was I wrong.
I think back now about my own parents and remember a couple of events that should have prepared me for being the parent of adult children and the continued worry that comes with it. The first occasion was shortly before my dad died. My wife and I, along with our two oldest kids, one a toddler, the other only 6 months old, visited my parents. While we were there, my dad pulled me aside and asked me how I was doing, and If I was happy in life. I was taken aback by these questions, which were asked so seriously, but told my dad that I was doing good, and my life was indeed a happy one. I then asked why he asked. He simply said I was his son and he would always worry about me. I didn't give it much thought until many years later.
The second instance came many years after the first, long after my dad was gone. My mother, one day while I was visiting her, asked me similar questions. Of course, I assured her that my life was good, but I was curious why she asked these questions. She replied that a parent always worried about their children. At the time, my mother was 79. I was 44. Two of my children were teens; the other a pre-teen. So, of course I worried about them. However, I still wrongly thought that when they were "grown and gone", my worries would end.
The joys you have in watching a beautiful helpless baby grow into strong, caring, independent adults certainly outweigh the worry you will always carry with you about their well-being. But now, at nearly 64 - and my adult children at 35, 31, and 28 - I understand why my parents asked me those questions so many years ago. Being a parent is, after all, a lifetime commitment.
Old Fart Mike
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Why P.R. Matters
My background includes some 15 years in sales & marketing and then an additional 17 years as a General Manager of hotels throughout the U.S. In these various positions I learned that a Public image is incredibly important, particularly when something goes wrong. As we've seen recently, people and companies who don't have some knowledge of how to handle disastrous situations can bring about further difficulties for themselves and/or the organizations they represent.
The most notable company, of course, would be British Petroleum and their representative Tony Hayward who has made so many blunders that virtually no one believes or trusts them anymore. Hayward may be a competent leader when things are going well, but, as has been proven in recent weeks, he is clueless as to how to handle himself in front of the press. One has to wonder exactly how a man holding his lofty position ever got there without some type of training in disaster communications. As Sonny Corleone once said to Tom Hagen, "You're not a war time, Consigliere." This would seem to apply to Mr. Hayward.
Another situation occurred just yesterday when an article appeared in Rolling Stone magazine. General Stanley McChrystal, the leader of the troops fighting the war in Afghanistan, had granted an earlier interview to reporters of this publication, and allowed access to other members of his command to these same reporters. What came out, of course, is that the General and his aides denigrated the President of the United States - a.k.a. The Commander in Chief, a.k.a. His Boss; The Vice President; the head of the Security Council; The Ambassador to Afghanistan; and a Diplomat of one of our allies.
While many regard General McChrystal as an "Intellectual", this, once again, proves that rarely, if ever, should members of the Military be categorized as "Intellectuals". As a former Marine - though not in such a lofty rank as General McChrystal - I knew that we were NOT allowed to EVER disparage the Commander in Chief. As a member of the Armed Forces you simply cannot do that - especially if you are a high ranking officer.
The right to free speech is one thing. As a civilian you can criticize the President all you want. As the man put in charge of running a war, you cannot. Perhaps General McChrystal believes he is indispensible and believes some of the articles that have been written about him - namely, that he is the only one that can win this war in Afghanistan. However, he certainly would have benefitted from some P.R. training. By his, and his officers comments for this magazine article, he has jeopardized not just his and his officers standing - but that of the United States of America, it's allies, it's troops and their morale. All because no one taught him the benefits of public relations.
Some people are urging President Obama to move cautiously as McChrystal is needed to bring this war to a close. I, on the other hand, think the President should simply fire him.
Old Fart Mike
The most notable company, of course, would be British Petroleum and their representative Tony Hayward who has made so many blunders that virtually no one believes or trusts them anymore. Hayward may be a competent leader when things are going well, but, as has been proven in recent weeks, he is clueless as to how to handle himself in front of the press. One has to wonder exactly how a man holding his lofty position ever got there without some type of training in disaster communications. As Sonny Corleone once said to Tom Hagen, "You're not a war time, Consigliere." This would seem to apply to Mr. Hayward.
Another situation occurred just yesterday when an article appeared in Rolling Stone magazine. General Stanley McChrystal, the leader of the troops fighting the war in Afghanistan, had granted an earlier interview to reporters of this publication, and allowed access to other members of his command to these same reporters. What came out, of course, is that the General and his aides denigrated the President of the United States - a.k.a. The Commander in Chief, a.k.a. His Boss; The Vice President; the head of the Security Council; The Ambassador to Afghanistan; and a Diplomat of one of our allies.
While many regard General McChrystal as an "Intellectual", this, once again, proves that rarely, if ever, should members of the Military be categorized as "Intellectuals". As a former Marine - though not in such a lofty rank as General McChrystal - I knew that we were NOT allowed to EVER disparage the Commander in Chief. As a member of the Armed Forces you simply cannot do that - especially if you are a high ranking officer.
The right to free speech is one thing. As a civilian you can criticize the President all you want. As the man put in charge of running a war, you cannot. Perhaps General McChrystal believes he is indispensible and believes some of the articles that have been written about him - namely, that he is the only one that can win this war in Afghanistan. However, he certainly would have benefitted from some P.R. training. By his, and his officers comments for this magazine article, he has jeopardized not just his and his officers standing - but that of the United States of America, it's allies, it's troops and their morale. All because no one taught him the benefits of public relations.
Some people are urging President Obama to move cautiously as McChrystal is needed to bring this war to a close. I, on the other hand, think the President should simply fire him.
Old Fart Mike
Thursday, June 10, 2010
A matter of Trust
Like any important issue, be it personal or business related, things come down to something that cannot ever be comprised. Trust. Relationships, no matter how good they seem on the surface, can never be totally fulfilled, or successful, if trust is not entirely a cornerstone of the relationship.
In recent times, we've seen Tiger Woods violate this trust with his wife and his fans in general. Jessee James has likewise done so to his spouse, Sandra Bullock, who is currently one of America's reigning Sweethearts.
In the business world, we've all seen the ramifications of lost trust by the excesses of those companies on Wall Street, and before that, organizations like Enron. Our politicians have also, in my lifetime, beginning with President Nixon, greatly disappointed us by violating the trust we gave to them via our votes. It has greatly contributed to the cynicism that now pervades our minds instead of the idealism that those of us called the "Baby Boomers" once were blessed with.
Now, with the disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, British Petroleum, or "BP", keeps violating our trust. They have done this, and are apparently going to continue to do so, by either bald-faced lying, or "concealing" the truth, about what is actually happening with the enormous amount of oil that is flowing from their underwater well.
BP, and the other companies who were involved with the rig, first began finger pointing when asked about the causes for the eruption. Then BP erroneously indicated the amount of oil that was being ejected into the ocean. They also denied the existence of oil plumes, which other scientists have now proven exist. Though it is difficult to measure exactly how much oil is currently flowing, it looks like it is considerably more than what BP is claiming at present.
British Petroleum had attempted to hide the pictures of the oil flowing - until enough pressure was put on them by congress, President Obama, and the American public, that they truly had no choice in the matter but to allow news organizations to show these images. Their CEO is a disaster himself. Any Public Relations person would cringe if they knew he was going to say in advance of what he said. How someone with P.R. experience failed to coach him is a mystery to me.
They continue to say one thing and do another. People who are in danger of losing their livelihoods - for a long time - are complaining of both red tape and slow pay, as they try to ward off their creditors. Based on BP's performance to date, this should be no surprise to anyone.
Now this company is purportedly spending $50 million in advertising to repair their incredibly damaged image. I believe it is way too late.
As I learned as a child, it is better when you make a mistake to own up to it, apologize, tell the truth, and do everything you can to fix it - no matter what. I utilized this credo in my career too, and it never failed me. Too bad BP's CEO and it's board of directors didn't learn what I did as a kid. Because once you lose trust, it is gone forever.
Old Fart Mike
In recent times, we've seen Tiger Woods violate this trust with his wife and his fans in general. Jessee James has likewise done so to his spouse, Sandra Bullock, who is currently one of America's reigning Sweethearts.
In the business world, we've all seen the ramifications of lost trust by the excesses of those companies on Wall Street, and before that, organizations like Enron. Our politicians have also, in my lifetime, beginning with President Nixon, greatly disappointed us by violating the trust we gave to them via our votes. It has greatly contributed to the cynicism that now pervades our minds instead of the idealism that those of us called the "Baby Boomers" once were blessed with.
Now, with the disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, British Petroleum, or "BP", keeps violating our trust. They have done this, and are apparently going to continue to do so, by either bald-faced lying, or "concealing" the truth, about what is actually happening with the enormous amount of oil that is flowing from their underwater well.
BP, and the other companies who were involved with the rig, first began finger pointing when asked about the causes for the eruption. Then BP erroneously indicated the amount of oil that was being ejected into the ocean. They also denied the existence of oil plumes, which other scientists have now proven exist. Though it is difficult to measure exactly how much oil is currently flowing, it looks like it is considerably more than what BP is claiming at present.
British Petroleum had attempted to hide the pictures of the oil flowing - until enough pressure was put on them by congress, President Obama, and the American public, that they truly had no choice in the matter but to allow news organizations to show these images. Their CEO is a disaster himself. Any Public Relations person would cringe if they knew he was going to say in advance of what he said. How someone with P.R. experience failed to coach him is a mystery to me.
They continue to say one thing and do another. People who are in danger of losing their livelihoods - for a long time - are complaining of both red tape and slow pay, as they try to ward off their creditors. Based on BP's performance to date, this should be no surprise to anyone.
Now this company is purportedly spending $50 million in advertising to repair their incredibly damaged image. I believe it is way too late.
As I learned as a child, it is better when you make a mistake to own up to it, apologize, tell the truth, and do everything you can to fix it - no matter what. I utilized this credo in my career too, and it never failed me. Too bad BP's CEO and it's board of directors didn't learn what I did as a kid. Because once you lose trust, it is gone forever.
Old Fart Mike
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Tragic Anniversary
Today marks the 42nd anniversary of the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy. He was shot down only moments after securing victory in the California Democratic Primary to become President of the United States. His assassin was Sirhan Sirhan, an employee of the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles, California - my home state.
As a young man of almost 22, I had already fulfilled my service obligation in the Marine Corps, having been drafted into this branch of the military some two years beforehand. I, however, was one of the very few who never went overseas to that hellhole called Viet Nam. I was, as I have been for all of my life, simply lucky. However, I knew many Marines who did serve in that war. Some never returned. Many who did return were wounded, either physically, or emotionally. They were changed men. They were part of the reason I changed my views of the war in Viet Nam. Like many early on, I simply accepted what our government told us - namely, we had to fight this war to stop the spread of communism from reaching us here in the good old U.S.A. Then, after losing some friends and seeing what this war had done to others, I began to question what we were doing fighting over there.
So, aside from the fact that Bobby was JFK's younger brother (who was my hero), Senator Kennedy appealed to me because he was one of the few politicians who came out early against the Viet Nam war. As a result of his stance, I became a volunteer for his campaign. I didn't do much. Just went door to door handing out leaflets. Made phone calls on his behalf and put up campaign signs in conspicuous areas so they might be seen by people driving by. I also, with some other guys around my age, formed a Young Democrats club in my little area of town.
That enabled me to wrangle an invite to the Ambassador Hotel and the hoped for Celebration party for Senator Kennedy. I had my credentials and pass and everything was set to go for me. Then, early that morning, I got a call from my boss. "Mike, I know you were set to take off early, but _____ called in sick, he's got the flu. I need you to go to San Diego and cover the trade Show for him." Damn, I swore, under my breath, I was hoping to actually get to meet Bobby Kennedy later that night. But, when your boss calls....
So, I went and turned in my credentials so someone else could go to the Ambassador.
I picked up what I needed and drove to San Diego. Set up our booth and manned it until it was time to close for the night. Grabbed a bite to eat and headed up to my hotel room and turned on the T.V.
I watched the revelry and the returns until it was evident that my candidate, Bobby Kennedy had won. I was so excited. So happy and thinking to myself that he would surely go to the convention in Chicago and win the Democratic nomination - and, of course, destiny would be fulfilled, and he'd become President in the general election in November. Senator Kennedy gave his speech, and finished with "...and now, it's on to Chicago and let's win there!". Then he left the stage.
I had an early morning the next day, so I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth before turning in, but left the TV on. Then I heard something that just didn't sound quite right coming from the TV, so I came out of the bathroom to see what the deal was. Of course, pandemonium was taking place as word spread about Bobby being shot.
I stayed up for hours watching and praying. And crying. How could this actually happen to another Kennedy brother? And so soon after Martin Luther King? What in the world? I finally fell asleep sometime in the early hours of the morning. The Television was still on and the news was still bad. Bobby was clinging to life, but it was tenuous at best. And I had to put on a smile and go man a booth trying to interest potential customers in my product.
Somehow, I made it through the day. Then the announcement came that Senator Kennedy had died. Fortunately, the show I was attending had ended.
Watching the train that traveled cross-country carrying Bobby's body was numbing and terribly sad. As the years went by, starting with the election of Republican Richard Nixon that year, who defeated Democratic candidate Hubert Humphrey by a slim margin, I've wondered many times how things might have been different had RFK not been assassinated. Would he have been able to end the war in Viet Nam quickly? How many of our troops would have been spared their lives? Had he been elected, we would have been spared the disgrace that Nixon brought upon the office which, I believe, changed American's faith in government forever. Of course, we'll never know these things. They will be only suppositions by people like myself.
And today, only brief mentions of his assassination will occur. Yet I, who came so close to witnessing history up close and personal, will never forget Robert Francis Kennedy and the hope he gave us before being cut down by an assassin.
Old Fart Mike
As a young man of almost 22, I had already fulfilled my service obligation in the Marine Corps, having been drafted into this branch of the military some two years beforehand. I, however, was one of the very few who never went overseas to that hellhole called Viet Nam. I was, as I have been for all of my life, simply lucky. However, I knew many Marines who did serve in that war. Some never returned. Many who did return were wounded, either physically, or emotionally. They were changed men. They were part of the reason I changed my views of the war in Viet Nam. Like many early on, I simply accepted what our government told us - namely, we had to fight this war to stop the spread of communism from reaching us here in the good old U.S.A. Then, after losing some friends and seeing what this war had done to others, I began to question what we were doing fighting over there.
So, aside from the fact that Bobby was JFK's younger brother (who was my hero), Senator Kennedy appealed to me because he was one of the few politicians who came out early against the Viet Nam war. As a result of his stance, I became a volunteer for his campaign. I didn't do much. Just went door to door handing out leaflets. Made phone calls on his behalf and put up campaign signs in conspicuous areas so they might be seen by people driving by. I also, with some other guys around my age, formed a Young Democrats club in my little area of town.
That enabled me to wrangle an invite to the Ambassador Hotel and the hoped for Celebration party for Senator Kennedy. I had my credentials and pass and everything was set to go for me. Then, early that morning, I got a call from my boss. "Mike, I know you were set to take off early, but _____ called in sick, he's got the flu. I need you to go to San Diego and cover the trade Show for him." Damn, I swore, under my breath, I was hoping to actually get to meet Bobby Kennedy later that night. But, when your boss calls....
So, I went and turned in my credentials so someone else could go to the Ambassador.
I picked up what I needed and drove to San Diego. Set up our booth and manned it until it was time to close for the night. Grabbed a bite to eat and headed up to my hotel room and turned on the T.V.
I watched the revelry and the returns until it was evident that my candidate, Bobby Kennedy had won. I was so excited. So happy and thinking to myself that he would surely go to the convention in Chicago and win the Democratic nomination - and, of course, destiny would be fulfilled, and he'd become President in the general election in November. Senator Kennedy gave his speech, and finished with "...and now, it's on to Chicago and let's win there!". Then he left the stage.
I had an early morning the next day, so I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth before turning in, but left the TV on. Then I heard something that just didn't sound quite right coming from the TV, so I came out of the bathroom to see what the deal was. Of course, pandemonium was taking place as word spread about Bobby being shot.
I stayed up for hours watching and praying. And crying. How could this actually happen to another Kennedy brother? And so soon after Martin Luther King? What in the world? I finally fell asleep sometime in the early hours of the morning. The Television was still on and the news was still bad. Bobby was clinging to life, but it was tenuous at best. And I had to put on a smile and go man a booth trying to interest potential customers in my product.
Somehow, I made it through the day. Then the announcement came that Senator Kennedy had died. Fortunately, the show I was attending had ended.
Watching the train that traveled cross-country carrying Bobby's body was numbing and terribly sad. As the years went by, starting with the election of Republican Richard Nixon that year, who defeated Democratic candidate Hubert Humphrey by a slim margin, I've wondered many times how things might have been different had RFK not been assassinated. Would he have been able to end the war in Viet Nam quickly? How many of our troops would have been spared their lives? Had he been elected, we would have been spared the disgrace that Nixon brought upon the office which, I believe, changed American's faith in government forever. Of course, we'll never know these things. They will be only suppositions by people like myself.
And today, only brief mentions of his assassination will occur. Yet I, who came so close to witnessing history up close and personal, will never forget Robert Francis Kennedy and the hope he gave us before being cut down by an assassin.
Old Fart Mike
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