Gas Tax

Just a small tidbit here. The other day an article in the newspaper caught my eye. It was about a House bill dealing with taxes. Apparently this is something that had been circulating for a while. Basically, it had been proposed, a few months back, by the USDA to the EPA that Congress should enact a new type of "Gas Tax".

Purportedly, this tax would, in an effort to combat greenhouse gases, place a tax on - ARE you READY for this? - cows and hogs. This is because these animals release incredible amounts of methane gas into the atmosphere when they - uh - pass gas, or, in the not so genteel phraseology I am accustomed to, "let farts".

Farmers were, Literally, holding their respective breaths (pun intended) until being reassured by congress members that no such tax would be passed on flatulence.

One's imagination wanders when thinking about a fair and equitable measurement of such a tax. Would it be assessed equally, across the board, regardless of how many explosions a particular cow might have in a given day, month, or year? Would it be based on the noxious quality of said flatulence?

One is absolutely sure there would be a need for a new bureaucratic division to develop within the halls of government to actually measure output by cow. If so, it sounds like that would be a likely candidate for the "Dirtiest Jobs" TV show. What would the Government name this division if created? Division of Flatulence? Would it's workers be known as Flatulence Animal Recordss Team?

The main problem, as I see it, is that IF methane gas were to be assessed on animals such as cows and hogs - which we've been assured won't happen - what's next? Will it affect the typical Human Male? From toddler stage until death, most males relish the blasting of farts - especially if they are married and can torment their wives with them. Beano is a sworn enemy of man, and I fear that should this new "Gas Tax" ever gain acceptance in congress, a new strain of the stuff could be developed that could wipe out (get it?) one of Man's (and cow's) greatest pleasures and pastimes. Then all we'll be left with is picking our nose when we drive. And cows can't do that. Can they?

Old FART Mike