TV Commercials

So, I'm watching TV last night and the thing I notice is the steady barrage of commercials pushing medicines and other health aids. Good thing my kids are all grown up! As a parent I didn't have to face explaining things like "Dad, what is Erectile dysfunction?" or "Daddy, what are feminine hygiene products used for?" or "Dad, the guy that's squirming around - how's he gonna be helped by preparation H?" Good Grief. Back in the day they didn't run commercials for products like that on TV - you actually had to go to the doctor, or your local druggist o find out such personal things.

I remember, as a matter of fact, the first time I thought(or probably wished)I might actually need to have a condom - we called them rubbers then - it was one of the most humiliating experiences of my short life til then. I was 15, and I went with a friend to a drugstore that was on the absolute other side of town from where we lived. Did that, obviously because the last thing I wanted was for my mom to find out. My dad probably would've told me to be careful, but, my mom, who never really yelled, would've given me one of her "disappointed" looks.

So, my friend and I went into the drugstore, and had to hang out for a while because - gasp - there was a woman working behind the counter where we thought we knew they were kept. As we killed time, we checked out Mad Magazine, and even tried to sneak a peek at Playboy, but to no avail. Finally the woman working the counter was distracted enough by a woman customer, and the male owner/pharmacist came to the counter. We sidled on over to him, and, in as quiet a voice as possible so as not to allow the two women to hear, I meekly asked the Pharmacist, "I'd like to buy a couple of prophylactics (the 'formal' name for rubbers then)"

His response, "Sorry, son, I couldn't hear you."

Gulp. I repeated my request.

He said, in a voice that I was sure could've been heard in downtown Los Angeles, "You want some rubbers, huh? What kind?"

Good Lord, I'm thinking, they have different kinds? How the hell would I know - I'm 15. I've never even seen one. I just know that my friends have told me this is something you need to have, in case you're able to "go all the way".

So, with my head down, and my voice trembling, I mumbled something like, "mmmjhokin".

Fortunately, the pharmacist, with a big smile on his face, didn't say another word, except to reach under the counter, get me a couple rubbers, and tell me the price. Can't remember for the life of me what it might have have - for all I know it could have been a thousand dollars or 10 cents. What I wanted more than anything was to run like hell. My friend and I left that store quickly, and never looked back.

Most of us teenage boys never used that first rubber. Instead they became our badge of honor, outlined in our wallet to show off to our buddies until the day we realized, looking at it, that the package had fallen apart, drying out the product and would not protect us when we did eventually have the chance to use it.

Now, of course, these products are prominently displayed in grocery stores, and the old time drugstores have mostly disappeared. Also, the mystique of other medicines is long gone, much like the youth of people like me - who are awfully glad they don't have to explain to their precocious 9 year old what erectile dysfunction is, or exactly what you use Preparation H for.

Old Fart Mike